When I was about three, I landed in the hospital with an asthma attack. After doctors’ visits and traditional pharmaceuticals, my parents branched out and began investigating homeopathy and other alternatives. At some point, someone ran a cytotoxic screening1 and came up with a long list of allergies, and my parents set to work eliminating those allergens from my diet.2 It was a long list, and at the top was gluten.
It was a labor of love – and health, of course – to make food safe for me at a time when food allergies were not well known or accepted, at a time when there were not many food alternatives, mixes, or snacks. My mom pored over the labels at the hippy health-food store, cooked from scratch, researched and made lists and generally was a rockstar.3
I was gluten-free for my childhood, into my teen years. My asthma symptoms were under control, and when I was older and my lungs had matured, it seemed like I could safely introduce small amounts of my former allergens with no ill effects, and then more and more until I mostly forgot I’d had allergies before. At the same time, not that we noticed any correlation at the time, I developed the first of my PCOS symptoms.
Fast-forward to my college years, when I gained the typical freshman fifteen eating whatever I wanted (except red meat, which I’d given up when I was about 11). The summer after my first year, mom and I were diagnosed4 with candida, and went on a candida control diet. It was hard to maintain in school, and I dropped it when I was back in the dorms and dining halls. After college, when I was re-diagnosed with PCOS, I put myself on a low-carb diet (basically Atkins). I was able to maintain that longer (ah, the joys of having one’s own kitchen) but eventually switched back to a more traditional eating pattern. When we were trying to get pregnant, I cut out flour, sugar and dairy on the recommendation of my acupuncturist. I was on a limited diet through early pregnancy and again when I was breastfeeding (mostly limiting dairy at that point). When I was no longer breastfeeding, I was so thrilled to be able to eat whatever I wanted – which quickly became eating whatever the kids wanted. My food choices have slipped in favor of fast, easy meals my picky eaters – all three of them – prefer. And my health has faltered.
I attributed it to fatigue – I wasn’t sleeping enough, was up with the kids, was working too hard, whatever. It wasn’t that bad. I would try to make healthier choices. And yet. My body is not healthy. My weight is not healthy. My moods are not healthy.
It’s time for a change. So I’m dusting off my cookbooks and reading labels and going gluten-free. I’m not sure if this is the right path – I’m not pursuing any kind of official diagnosis, and it’s not the only choice I’ve considered – but I have to start somewhere. I don’t do well with an abstract “eat healthier” so I’m hoping the clear lines will enable me to focus my food choices. I’m hoping I can slowly change the way the rest of the family eats, too, but I can’t put my own food choices last anymore.
This is day 3.
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I went shopping today, giving myself plenty of time to browse the aisles and read labels. I’ve walked these aisles before, so the “GLUTEN-FREE” packaging indicators were no surprise. But as I stood in the flour aisle, pondering baking mixes, I saw a familiar package. A brand of brown rice baking mix I remember from my childhood, with the packaging unchanged. And as I stood there, I cried – reading labels and thinking both this is so hard how will i do this what do i do first and then how did my mother do this and finally i can do this. I am starting small – not purging my pantry yet, adding to my options without converting the whole family (yet). And I’m not alone. There are lists and recipes in cookbooks and on blogs and twitter and Pinterest and I am not alone.
Advice? I’d love to hear it!
- I recently looked into this again and discovered this form of testing listed on a bunch of those “quackwatch” pages – yet my kids had blood allergy testing through their mainstream medical practice. Different methods, I guess? [↩]
- I recently came across my mother’s carefully prepared, handwritten, mimeographed list of my safe and unsafe foods (of course I can’t find it NOW). [↩]
- Just being a mom, I suppose. In the best possible sense. [↩]
- By whom? I have no memory of this. [↩]
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